It’s like an anchor weighing you down
The inability to smile, only frown
It’s like a darkness inside consuming you
Not believing any kind words are true
It’s like dancing with the devil in a pale moonlight
Feeling forever in peril, forever as black as night
That’s what depression feels like
A father sits frustrated
The weight of the world on his shoulders
The mother just standing there
Adding her pearls of wisdom
Both blaming everyone else
Depression keeps you company but also keeps you lonely. It tells you you’re worthless, useless, fit for nothing. Depression tells you it’s cold on a hot summers day. It’s a heaviness weighing you down, crushing every breath from your body telling you that you can’t breathe. It talks to you telling you you’re an awful friend, disappointing daughter; the biggest waste of space to humanity. It tells you that you can’t when you can, no when you want to say yes, makes you say sorry when you haven’t done anything wrong leaving you confused as to what you are really doing. It’s full of clichés, excuses and assaults on your personality. Depression fakes your smile, fakes your good intentions and fakes your life. Depression makes you believe that there’s no point any more. Depression is a liar.
I can feel the light dimming in my eyes
Nothing but a haunted, soulless look
Desperate to find any pleasure
From a photo, a film, a book
The crushing weight of useless
Squeezing every gasp of breath from my chest
The relentless, torturous voice saying “It’s pointless
Why try? You’re not as specially as the rest”
A wistful glance out to sea
While she sat silently under the stars
Contemplating the ways of the world
The need to have everything
Marriage, a good job, 2.4 kids and a house
The pressure is immense to fit into the ways of the world
But as she sat there soaking up the night
Delighting in the sound of the waves gently rushing the shore
And counting the stars above her head
She realised something
That having nothing could still mean having everything she ever wanted
I can feel it getting stronger
Am I getting better?
People say I need to allow myself to get better
Am I just driving myself crazy?
Have I become my twisted thoughts?
Can I get better?
Or am I too far gone?