Balancing EUPD and Relationships

This is a very hard balance. So many aspects that it’s constant work to keep that balance. And that’s any relationship – parents, friends, professionals, etc. Is that person being selfish? Do they just not know what to say or how to react? Am i overreacting? Am i entitled to experience certain emotions? Is it a normal reaction other ‘normal’ people have? The list goes on. EUPD makes every day life extremely difficult just for my routines and tasks let alone the balance with relationships. It feels like i have to explain to people that I’m not being deliberately rude, aggorant or difficult – its just the way i am and i can’t always hold it back. There’s a constant voice talking to me whether I’m in company or alone. Imagine second guessing everything you say or triple, quadruple checking, etc. That voice that talks to me telling me people are pretending to be nice just to get away from me. That I’m useless, boring, worthless… Don’t say anything kind to me as he just berates me. Now imagine this cruel voice taunting you when you’re out with friends or negotiating family disputes, trying to meet new people, trying to believe in yourself that you can have a future. Add to this attempting to date someone or try to explain to a professional why you need to do things in a certain way seeing the frustration on their face or them hanging up on you mid phone call (yup this really happened trying to get some reassurance from a nurse that i’ve got the right date in my diary and what i need to do, where i’ve got to go regarding potential surgery!) Many people cannot understand how i can be okay having been single for over 10 years. Maybe if they listened or understood how hard it is dealing with myself on a daily basis they’d understand the crippling anxiety of being in a relationship or navigating friendships.

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